-Monday, May 28, 2012 ' 2:51 PM Y
I ♥ HelloKitty
Today's
been so shitty I've decided to create a new blog. I just needed a place where I
can express my thoughts. Writing it down would have been tiring since I think I
have a lot to talk about today. And I don't have the mood to talk to anyone
right now.
Mum:
Just like today, the moment I mentioned I'm going to the animal shelter IN
MALAYSIA to do voluntary work, you immediately said NO! That's the reason why I
never chose to ask for your permission.
It's not like I didn't give you the chance to talk to me! I called you,
remember?
Me: Why you never call me?
You: I don't feel like talking to you.
Sometimes
I really don't like the way you control me so much. Okay, I understand you're
my mum and you have your reasons for stopping me from doing something/ going
somewhere. Sometimes I just wish you will give me more freedom, like some of my
friends' mums. I know you're already better than some, but I still wish you
would be more lenient.
Okay,
maybe I'm still too young, but I'm going to be 18 soon! Though I bet 18 is
still too young for you.
I have
to lie to you to get my way, sometimes I wish I can just be honest for you. I
feel guilty lying to you. But if I had told you the truth, I knew you would
have objected. That's why I stick to lying. I give myself the excuse that at
least I told you half the truth.
Take my
going to Malaysia as an example. Even before I asked, I knew you would have
objected, that's why I chose to sneak in by "stealing" my passport.
If you had been more open-minded, I would have asked for your permission each
time I want to go in. At least you would be informed of my whereabouts instead
of when I sneak over and I don't inform you at all.
Stretch
a rubber band too much, it'll snap. You'll end up hurting yourself.
A:
I don't
believe your love for me anymore, I can't bring myself to trust your words
because I don't want to end up getting hurt again. Many times, I told myself I
need to let go.. But I just can't. I feel like a loser sometimes. I guess I'm
just scared of feeling lonely. Maybe I've gotten use to the idea of you being
my boyfriend, it's become more of a habit instead of me loving you.
The 2
days that you ignored me, you don't understand what I went through. I beat
myself up, I wonder what I did wrong that you had to punish me like that. I
didn't know what happened, I only knew you stopped talking to me, it's like you
disappeared. Today you tell me it's work stress. Then you should have told me!
I would have sympathize with you! But I guess you chose to keep it to yourself
while I suffered your cold shoulder for 2 days.
Me: Why
you never text me the whole day?
You: I
don't feel like.
Me: Why you never call me?
You: I don't feel like talking to you.
Dafuq?! What's with the hostility?!
I cried to sleep that night. & I had an exam the next day! I didn't even
have the mood to study! & the next morning, you had the cheek to post on
your fb "Maybe I'm not good enough for you". If that's the way, do
better la! Treat me better, try to be more sensitive & attentive to me.
You
always say you hope that I can understand you, believe me I can touch my heart
and say I tried my best to. Why can't you also try to understand me? Spare a
thought for me please.
And
now, everytime you didn't text/ reply me, I don't even dare to text you for
fear that you'll think that I'm irritating/ or that I'll piss you off and
you'll ignore me again. The feeling of losing you is horrible, so I rather
control and refrain from taking the initiative to contact, instead I'll just
wait for you to talk to me before I reply. We hardly talk on the phone anymore.
Well, we'll just have nothing to talk about, so it's better to just not call.
Otherwise, opportunities for us to fight.
Since
when have I been so pessimistic about our relationship?
I've
changed myself to suit your personality, I force myself to be less clingy even
I crave your attention. I stopped initiating meetups cos I don't want to be
rejected by your excuses/reasons. I rather not ask than ask and get turned down.
I know you don't like to text/call or you're just lazy, so I stopped pestering
you to text/call me. Sometimes you take ages to reply, I used to keep spamming
you but now I don't anymore, do I?
By
ignoring me, you got me all paranoid again. Maybe this just proves that I don't
trust you.
A
relationship without trust is like a vehicle without fuel. You can stay in it
but you won't move forward.
J:
Babe, I
know you care a lot about me. I understand that you don't like A you think he's
not good enough for me, and I should just break up with him. I wish it's as
easily done as said.. I know he's not good enough, he has his flaws. But don't
everyone? I agree with what you have to say, but the basis of your dislike is
his race & religion. And what he had done, the way he treats me, just adds
to your dislike. I know you love me you don't want me to be stuck with someone
as lousy as him. I love you too J. But sometimes, I guess I just don't wanna
hear about your dislike for A. He's my boyf, I just wish that the both of you
can at least tolerate each other, and not make life difficult for me. I'm stuck
in between you know? Prolly I need to get hurt a few more times for me to wake
up and have the courage to break up with A. I don't know. I know it's unfair to
myself and that I'm prolly stupid in your opinion to allow myself get hurt. If
only being w A is as easy as being w you..
